Someone has to defend we women

Since women are pitifully underrepresented on the site, I feel motivated to make some kind of response to Chugger's last post. I feel especially qualified to write this because I talk to a lot of women every day. Sorry guys, but this is how I see it.

• Possessing a penis does not make you genetically superior. In fact, many people consider the Y chromosone to be an inferior mutation of the X.
• Possessing a Y chromosone does not make you automatically right. Try to remember that.
• The X chromosone does not include a housework gene
• Shopping is NOT a sport. It is a religion, and therefore protected by the constitution. As you know, it definitely has non-profit status. Please do not try to compare something as superficial as football to our religion. The shopping religion is a very demanding one, and requires frequent visits to multiple places of worship, often in malls. However, sometimes we are drawn to worship at smaller temples of holiness, called boutiques.
• No one has enough shoes
• You need more shoes.
• PMS is a legal defense. However, when we get mad at you, please do not make the mistake of blaming it on PMS. Chances are you did something stupid, and it could get you killed.
• If you put the toilet seat up, put it down. We will try to do the same.
• Who gives a damn whether the toilet paper goes under or over?
• Just because you can pee outside doesn't mean you should.
• Grabbing our ass or boobs as you walk by is not a turn on. I repeat, it is NOT a turn on.
• Grabbing our ass or boobs as you walk by is not foreplay.
• Grabbing our ass or boobs as you walk by is not a substitute for kissing or hugging. Trust me. If you can remember this, you will be a happy man.
• Men doing housework IS a turn on.
• Asking if we want to "fool around" does not translate to "I love you" to us. Sorry.
• Women are not pacifiers.
• Women are not gumball machines. We are slot machines. If you ever want to get lucky, you have to keep putting in quarters. (By the way, I made that up, and therefore if you quote me, I expect to be appropriately cited in accordance to current APA guidelines).
• Hooters girls are not entertainers. They are waitresses in push-up bras. They are only nice to you because they want a good tip. Don't ask us to go to Hooters.
• Please don't ask if your outfit matches unless you want to hear the truth.
• Unless you look like Brad Pitt, please don't expect us to look like Angelina Jolie or Jennifer Anniston.
• You don't look like Brad Pitt. Sorry.
• If you think I look fat or unattractive in my outfit, please tell me before we leave the house, not after we arrive at our destination.
• My job is as important as yours.
• Surfing the net is not a legitimate excuse for getting out of helping with whatever we ask for help with.
• We do not know "where the hell your clean underwear is".
• If you don't like tears, don't swear at us.
• Crying is not blackmail. If you don't like tears, don't make us cry.
• Most men can be replaced with 2 C batteries. Try to be one of the ones that can't be replaced. It makes it all worth it. :-)