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Thursday, April 12, 2007

Serious Matter Before The Collective

Team,

While preparing international law enforcemnt agencies for our arrival in Europe this fall, I received a disturbing note from Ronald Nobel, head of Interpol. In it he advised me that one of our intrepid band had a "Not to Travel in Confined Spaces (NTCS)" alert issued under his passport number. Yikes.

It was stated clearly that this person must either wear a bubble-boy suit during travel OR be supervised by a Personal Inhaler. Should this person emit any noxious fumes, the Personal Inhaler must immediately suck up all the air around the offender.

Therefore, by the power invested me by the monastery of hops, I hereby appoint Chugger as Einfahrt's Personal Inhaler.

Here is a link to the evidence presented by Interpol. A thermal image of Einfahrt's last trip to Amsterdam. (Thermal images make you look skinnier than you really are)

http://www.davefinlay.com/Oktoberfest/EinfahrtShipol.wmv

---Grand Puhba

8 comments:

Chugger said...

While I recognize the importance of this duly appointed responsibility, I do not believe that the Grand Puhba, or Interpol, recognize the gravity of the situation. "Sucking up all the air" would be one thing, if there was air to suck up. As those of you who have traveled with Einfahrt know, when there is an eruption of the type chronicled in the video, there is no air remaining to be "sucked up".

A truer cause of Global Climate change cannot be found anywhere on the planet.

BarleyMan said...

Thanks Chugger,

I had thought of that issue. however, when considering the Bubble Boy outfit, I was concerned with the risk of absolute explosion.

Perhaps a long tube, but insertion would present too many other problems.

It's hard being a Grand Puhba. it makes my head hurt, sometimes.

Anonymous said...

OK.

Enough.

This blatant attempt to break me out of my funk; to engage me in real-world concerns, to cause me to disabuse the proles of their popular fictions - has crossed the line.

First, the emissions of natural gases - the true cause of global warming - are largely cows, not humans. Attempt to photograph cows in such circumstances have led to explosions as the digital cameras used had brief electric arcing, causing violent combustion of the methane emitted. However, when technical problems were overcome, the resulting frames were entirely black, providing no evidence of such emissions.

A recent study, done by "deniers" asserts the output of cows far exceeds that of humans, including transportation, power generation, and fertilizer production.

Both of these, of course are far less than the output of carbon from forest fires or volcanoes; and none of them have anything to do with sun output or sun-based temperature variations, but there is after all a consensus of scientists, and a UN commission, so the popular claims must be true.

No, back to the practicalities of travel: generally, it has been found that trips over are not problems - the Weise has not yet been consumed, the spatzle is still safe in Germany, and the stomach and intestinal bacterium are still behaving. Anecdotal evidence suggests that the return trip is not so benevolent. Now, the emitter of course has little issue as such emissions cause no offence to the emitter - only to those surrounding them. I have never experienced such offence. Therefore, there is no problem. However, I will not be offended by those around me wearing bubble suits, if they feel such necessary.

Now: I have not used this system in so long, that my sign-in is no longer valid as Google now requires some sort of "Google account;" otherwise I would post some of the beer explorations enjoyed in recent months.

Regards, Einfahrt

BarleyMan said...

Chugger,

1. Please instruct Einfahrt on how to use the infernal blog site.

2. Explain that we are NOT blaming Einfahrt for Global Warming.

3. This is a localized issue. It has to do with Confined Spaces. These are treacherous with Einfahrts condition and need ot be managed.


Grand Puhba

Barbus said...

http://www.dumpert.nl/mediabase/foto/49183c5e_20060727_200824_unknown.jpg"

BarleyMan said...

OK Barbus...

Work + Heat = Shit squared.

What is the greater meaning?

Please explain... I need to know this.

Barbus said...

The repeating crystalline structure in the solid phase of work is a tetrahedron. At normal temperatures and pressures on the surface of the earth, the tetrahedral crystalline element of work is packed hexagonally, forming Ih. As energy (heat of fusion) is added to work at 36C, some of the hydrogen bonds that hold human body molecules in the crystalline shape are broken, and work becomes hard with no change in temperature. The breaking of the hydrogen bonds causes the crystalline shape to fold in on itself like a house of cards, resulting in an increase in density. However, individual human body cells are still linked to other cells by hydrogen bonds, generally as dimers (chains of molecules linked together) in repeating chains of 5-10 dimers. As energy is added to a human body at 36 oC, two processes are occurring. One, the added energy causes the individual human body cells to vibrate faster, in turn causing thermal expansion (farting) and a DECREASE in density. Secondly, more hydrogen bonds are cut, causing additional infolding of the crystalline lattice (yes, parts of it still exist at temperatures above 36C) and an INCREASE in density. Between 36 and 40C, the cutting of hydrogen bonds and infolding of the crystalline lattice occurs at a faster rate than thermal expansion (diarree). At 36C, the increase in density reaches a maximum for waste as the cutting of the hydrogen bonds results in the most efficient packing. Above 40C the density decreases again because thermal expansion occurs at a faster rate than infolding of the crystalline lattice through cutting of hydrogen bonds.

At a daily average latent heat flux farting of -77.11 W/m2
o heat energy = mass  latent heat, therefore
o mass = heat energy / latent heat
o mass = -77.11 W/m2 / 2.834 106 J/Kg, and make unit conversions
o mass = -77.11 J/s m2  86,400 s/day  1000kg/m3  1000mm/m / 2.834 106 J/Kg
o mass = 2.3 mm/day

Anonymous said...

Barbus,
Can I call B.S. on this one?
-einfahrt